I choose to keep a fairly positive and rosy outlook publicly online. I try to keep in mind that the internet is a vast place, and I don't want my kids finding super embarrassing posts about themselves once they are older. I'm sure I post some stuff they will find embarrassing, but I guess what I mean is that I don't want them to have to read a million posts about how their mother wants to pull her hair out or how desperate Mom felt sometimes to just get away once in awhile. I don't want them to feel unloved.
Sometimes, though, I feel like I paint too rosy of a picture. I don't want to give the impression that everything is perfect. It definitely isn't anywhere close to perfect. Almost daily I feel like I have let my kids down, and I vow to do better the next day. Yet almost everyday is a repeat of the day before.
What it boils down to is just simply that parenting is hard. Each kid is so different and just when you think you have it all figured out, something changes.
Landon was an easy baby and a pretty easy toddler. After Kelsey was born, our transition to having two kids was much simpler than I thought it would be, after we found our New Normal (as I like to call it). Kelsey was not an easy baby, but Landon was an awesome and natural big brother. Once he turned three, though, things changed. He became more like the little boy he is today... intense. He has more energy than I can keep up with, talks nonstop, always wants to be out and about doing something, and always is needing something from me. My mom says he's very similar to how I was as a child, but as an adult, I am quite the opposite. I like quiet. I don't like to be on the go all the time. He simply overwhelms me.
Kelsey grew up to be a really easy toddler, as well, but now at three, she also is becoming overwhelming very fast. I don't know why people talk about the Terrible Twos so much, because most of the parents I know will tell you that three is much harder. She has always been stubborn, but stubborn doesn't even begin to describe it lately. She literally does not listen to *anything* I say the first time, and often ends up hurt because she didn't heed one of my many warnings. I struggle when she comes running to me for hugs because as a mother, I want to always kiss away the hurt and make it better, but I also want her to realize that I warned her and her injury could have been prevented.
Supposedly it gets better - and I hope that is true, because right now is a very stressful time for me. I don't want to break their spirits, but I am also trying to teach them social customs and courtesies and discipline of some sort. Complicating things further, I don't really agree with mainstream parenting, but I don't understand alternative parenting styles enough to be successful implementing them.
My instinct is to break and yell... I have learned that I have just about zero patience, and that I myself have attitude problems that I need to work on, because I am the one teaching my children the behavior that I do not like to see them display. I say things and do things I regret even as I am doing them, and I really don't know what else to do. Some days are better than others, and I am trying. I have to admit that the six months since we moved to Missouri have been much worse than the months after I quit my job but still had my friends in Maryland to go do activities with.
We got to Missouri right after finding out I was pregnant with #3, and the combination of having no friends for myself, no friends for my kids, not feeling good, and being exhausted has led me to be something of a hermit. When I do put myself out there, sometimes we end up having a good time, but it doesn't seem to lead to a friendship, just a one-time few hours of fun before we go back to being fairly lonely again. Alone, I could manage this. I am okay being by myself and entertaining myself. My children, however, are social butterflies, and they need more interaction than they are getting.
I never wanted to be the parent who was dying for her kids to go to school. After 4-1/2 years as a working parent, I was so excited to quit my job last year. We really had a great time when I first quit. There is so much to see and do in the DC area, and we enjoyed ourselves. It wasn't perfect, but I loved it and wouldn't change a thing. I even really wanted to home school Landon. The schools near the base where we lived aren't the greatest, and I love the idea of the world being their classroom, instead of being tied to a desk for so long each day. I think I could have done it at the time.
Now, I am almost counting the days until August 15. My Landon will be starting kindergarten that day. A few weeks later, the first Tuesday after Labor Day, Kelsey will start preschool two mornings a week. I am very much ready for school to start. I think that since our move, the kids have had to rely on each other as playmates, and they are getting on each other's nerves, just as I am getting on their nerves and they on mine. We are together alone too much, instead of together with other people like we were before.
I hope school is going to be a turning point for us. We will be forced to keep more of a schedule than we currently are, and we will hopefully make friends. They will meet kids at school and I may meet some other mothers at the bus stop. I know there will be struggles... I am sure Landon will have a hard time with his behavior at school, at first. He is very impulsive and has trouble sitting still and concentrating. I admit that I worry about how he will adjust or if this type of environment is best for him, but I have to let him go and try. I'm sure both kids will be very tired at first, until they adjust to the new routine.
The biggest adjustment for me is the idea that instead of spending my days with these two kids, they are both going to be spending some time away from me. Soon my days will be filled mostly with Kelsey and with a new kid I haven't even met yet. Of course the baby will be MY kid too, but at this point it is hard to fathom what that child will be like, and what our days will look like. I do admit that I am looking forward to grocery shopping with just the baby while Kelsey is in preschool. It is so much easier and faster with a baby instead of with two little kids who want everything and talk to everyone.
I hope, though, that some time away from each other will help us to appreciate each other and really value the time we have together. We always love each other, but right now I end up yelling more than I care to admit. They pick at each other so much, and do things intentionally to make me angry. Of course, once I get angry, they cry and I feel that horrible mama guilt. Because, in my heart, I know that their behavior would be much better if we had a routine and were out of the house more, playing with other kids, and mixing up our activities. In my heart, I feel like their behavior is not only their fault, but my own as well.
They are good kids. They are sometimes overwhelming - for myself and for strangers, even. But they are good kids. They love me more than I sometimes feel I deserve... and I do have to admit that if I am going to blame myself for some of their so-called "bad" behavior, then I have to take credit for some of their good and amazing qualities, as well. Landon loves nothing more than to be assigned a task that he can do to make things easier on me. Kelsey never misses an opportunity to tell me she loves me and give me a hug (I have always hugged and kissed my kids and told them I love them multiple times a day).
Things are easier with a positive outlook, which is another reason why I only post the positives on Facebook. I have to remind myself what I have and how awesome those two little kids are, and how lucky I am to have them and their new baby brother or sister (not to mention my amazing husband!). Life can be hard sometimes, but changes are coming, and this period in our lives will be over in just a couple weeks. The next phase may be more difficult or it may be easier - time will tell. But I have to cherish this for now, because this won't last forever, and I can't get this time back.
Showing posts with label Kelsey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kelsey. Show all posts
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Thursday, August 1, 2013
33 weeks, 3 days
This time, I have been planning on taking another similar photo for months. I didn't take most of my old maternity shirts out of storage because they are pretty worn, but I definitely took this green shirt out, planning on taking this photo when I hit 33 weeks, 3 days.
Today was finally the day! Justin is still gone so it was tricky to get the shot, but with a tripod and my camera on self-timer, and Landon willing to let me focus on him and switch places with me, I managed to get The Shot.
Of course, I'm facing the opposite direction in Kelsey's photo, but my face looks funny when I tried to flip it so I kept it the same.
Most people are saying that they think it is a boy because I look like I'm carrying the same way I did with Landon. I see what they mean, but I'm also a lot bigger with this one, so I think that contributes to how my belly looks and how the shirt isn't flat at the bottom. I guess we will see!
Oh, and in three more weeks, I will be taking another of these comparison shots... I did another one at my mother's request at 36 weeks, 4 days while pregnant with Kelsey. I also rescued this shirt from storage a few weeks ago. It is in my drawer, awaiting this shot:
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Kelsey's Birth Timeline
I know, this probably sounds completely ridiculous, but I recently ordered an old copy of our cell phone statement that includes call and text data from the night I went into labor with Kelsey. I'm trying to convince myself that there was plenty of time to get there earlier than we did last time, and that if this labor follows the same pattern, I will be fine.
It's really interesting, actually. Based on the statement, this is what I've gathered:
What does this tell me? I had plenty of warning, but really was just in denial that it was happening as fast as it was. After I went to bed, I was contracting regularly but kept putting off getting up because I was afraid it would stop. At 1am, I really should have been heading to the hospital already, but instead I told the doula not to come. It's kind of funny to look back on.
It's really interesting, actually. Based on the statement, this is what I've gathered:
- At 5:03pm, I had a 25 minute phone conversation with my mother. I remember that I was sitting in the mall parking lot. I can't remember if I had just finished getting a pedicure, or if I was getting ready to go in for one. There are pressure points in the ankle for triggering labor, and when the guy who was doing my pedicure heard that I was past my due date, he spent a long time on my second ankle. I personally think the pedicure had something to do with labor starting when it did.
- From 7:58pm-8:10pm, I had a text conversation with Amber. I can't remember if I was having cramps at that point or not... I think we were just chit-chatting.
- From 9:30pm-9:37pm, I was texting with my doula. I told her I was having cramps every 15 minutes or so. She told me to take a bath, relax, and head to bed to get some rest in case this was it.
- At 10:05pm-10:06pm, Amber and I exchanged three texts. I definitely told her about the cramps at this point, and told her we might be calling her in the night to come stay with Landon.
- After this I went upstairs to take a bath and go to bed. In bed, I never fell asleep, but laid there listening to it storm outside, contracting every few minutes. The contractions were very light and not painful, leading me to believe that I had plenty of time (despite knowing what I do about our family history with labor).
- From 12:46am-12:48am, I texted my doula that we had gotten out of bed and I was in labor.
- At 1:03am, I spoke to the doula for 8 minutes on the phone, but told her not to come yet. I remember I was leaning on the kitchen counter at that point, confused because my contractions were completely untimeable... some were faster than others, etc. In my head, though, I was afraid I had hours and hours left to go, and was afraid of getting to the hospital too soon and ending up with tons of unnecessary interventions.
- 40 minutes later, at 1:43am, Justin called the doula back and told her to come.
(If my memory is correct, it was at this point that I was going through transition and was completely out of control. I didn't want Justin to touch me or interfere at all and, in my head, I was thinking we'd get to the hospital and I'd just have them do a repeat cesarean to make it all stop. Obviously, that's not what I wanted, but those are very normal thoughts during transition.) - Between 2:16am and 2:24am, Justin tried calling Amber four times from my phone, but she didn't answer. At 2:25am, he tried calling another friend to see if she could stay with Landon instead, but there was no answer. At 2:30am, he tried Amber - again no answer.
- Between 2:37am and 2:43am, Justin called our doula and the LE Desk to arrange getting her on base without him having to leave me.
- At 2:44am, he called Amber again and I believe at this point she answered and came over to the house. It was the last call to Amber, and I know she got there around 3am.
- Between 3:17am and 3:22am, there were more calls to and from the doula and the LE Desk to get her on base.
- Based on memory, our doula arrived a few minutes later, around 3:30am. Amber was already at the house, and my water broke right as the doula was coming in the front door. It had been leaking through contractions while my body was pushing... meaning I had already been through transition at that point and was actually pushing my baby out already.
- Between 3:58am and 3:59am, Justin and Amber exchanged three text messages. I'm not sure if we were at the hospital already or not... I know we had already left for the hospital.
- Kelsey was born at/around 4:15am. At 5:34am, I called my mother and told her Kelsey had been born, and at 5:44am, I texted Amber to let her know Kelsey was here.
What does this tell me? I had plenty of warning, but really was just in denial that it was happening as fast as it was. After I went to bed, I was contracting regularly but kept putting off getting up because I was afraid it would stop. At 1am, I really should have been heading to the hospital already, but instead I told the doula not to come. It's kind of funny to look back on.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
4D Ultrasound, 32 week appointment, and more.
Justin has been out of town for the past few weeks (and still has another couple weeks to go until he finally gets back home). We have missed him, but it has been a great opportunity to spend quite a bit of time in Arkansas at Nana and Papa's house. They recently bought and installed a pool in their backyard. The kids love it, and it feels so good to relax in at this stage of my pregnancy.
We spent almost a week in Arkansas, but then came back home for a week while the kids participated in Vacation Bible School. We don't go to church, but Kelsey will be attending Son*Shine preschool at the Methodist Church right off base for two days a week starting in September. When we toured the school, we were invited to send the kids to VBS. We decided it would be good for them in many ways, so I signed them up.
Both kids had a great time, although Kelsey did go through some separation anxiety the last three days. She is my brave girl, though, and after I walked her to the sanctuary and sat her in the pew, she dried her tears and told me I could leave. I have to admit I was crying on my way out of the church... such a juxtaposition between my vulnerable baby and her stubborn toughness. Landon, as usual, made lots of friends (all of them his "best" friend). He developed a bit of hero worship toward one of the teenagers. Of course, that teenager was the "class clown" (so to speak), which is exactly Landon's personality, so there's no question why Landon admired him so much.
After VBS was over, I decided to take the kids back to Arkansas. There was nothing for us to do at home and it was nice to see my family and be able to use the pool. Even better, Mom made me an appointment to have a 4D ultrasound done at the OB clinic for the hospital she works for. I didn't have a 4D ultrasound with Landon, but I did have one with Kelsey, and was happy to have one with Baby H, too. It was the only ultrasound Mom has been able to be present for, of all of my pregnancies. She was incredibly excited and the ultrasound was awesome. Baby H did spend the first half with foot in front of face, but we managed to get some face shots before my baby decided to turn to face the placenta and ignore us.
Back at home, I had my 32 week prenatal at the birth center. It was a nice appointment... they were running behind so it was a little late, but Kelly, the midwife I saw this time, spent a lot of time with me talking over some of my concerns and questions. I've seen Kelly previously but after yesterday, I think I would prefer her to be on call when I go into labor. All of the midwives are awesome, but I just felt like I connected with her a bit more.
She reassured me that even if I am GBS+ again, I will still be able to have a water birth. I was with both kids and also tested positive during my miscarriage last year... although I am taking probiotics to try to prevent it, I am assuming I will test positive again. The water birth class had led me to believe I would not be able to birth in the water as a GBS carrier, but apparently it is only other infections that would keep me out of the water. Kelly also said my hemoglobin is within normal limits, but on the low side of normal, so she advised me to increase my iron intake and assured me it would make me feel a lot better than I have been. I also had not realized that two of her own births were VBACs - she was thrilled that I've already had one, and I felt like we had something in common considering this will be my second VBAC.
We talked a good deal about what to do if I were to have the baby in the car while driving to the birth center - it is a big worry for me. Kelsey's labor was fast, but plenty long enough that I should have no problem getting to the birth center if this time follows the same pattern. However, she was nearly born in the car due to circumstances, such as denial that I was as far along as I was, wanting to avoid getting to the hospital too soon, getting in touch with Amber to stay with Landon, getting my doula on base, etc. This time, there are plenty of opportunities for happenstance to strike again... I've lived them all out in my head. :) Justin could be at work when I go into labor, and getting him home could be time consuming since he works in a secured area. I really have no one else to drive me until Justin gets home, and we only have our babysitter to take the kids. It takes time to drop them off and get them settled, not to mention figuring out what to do if Landon is in school when labor starts, or if we can't reach our babysitter. Thankfully, my midwives have told me that if I have to, I am perfectly welcome to bring the kids with us. Siblings are allowed to attend births there anyway, but technically we are supposed to bring someone else with us to be in charge of them while Justin attends to me. However, they would rather us bring the kids alone if we have to, rather than not make it in time.
Anyway, it was nice to be able to discuss those fears openly. Kelly talked to me about the possibility of birthing in the car, and how if baby is coming that fast, most likely everything is okay, without complications. It was a reassuring appointment. From now on, I'll be seen every two weeks. It seems crazy that it is already that time, but I have a friend whose baby was born at 32 weeks, and Justin himself was. Kelly said that at this point, baby is almost as long as he or she will be at birth, and will only need to plump up in the next few weeks.
At this point I need to start thinking about packing a bag. If I go into labor before 37 weeks, I will go to a hospital instead of the birth center. I doubt that will happen, but I would prefer to be ready just in case. I am mainly planning on bringing clothes for myself during and after labor, clothes for Justin in case he's in uniform when we go in, clothes for the baby (I haven't decided if I am bringing one outfit for each gender or just something unisex), baby book, and maybe my camera. I do have a birth photographer coming, but it may possibly be nice to have my own camera for after she leaves.
I guess it is sinking in - we are getting closer now! I am dying to know the gender of our baby, but I don't want to rush anything because this is likely my last pregnancy, and I don't want to take a minute of it for granted!
We spent almost a week in Arkansas, but then came back home for a week while the kids participated in Vacation Bible School. We don't go to church, but Kelsey will be attending Son*Shine preschool at the Methodist Church right off base for two days a week starting in September. When we toured the school, we were invited to send the kids to VBS. We decided it would be good for them in many ways, so I signed them up.
Both kids had a great time, although Kelsey did go through some separation anxiety the last three days. She is my brave girl, though, and after I walked her to the sanctuary and sat her in the pew, she dried her tears and told me I could leave. I have to admit I was crying on my way out of the church... such a juxtaposition between my vulnerable baby and her stubborn toughness. Landon, as usual, made lots of friends (all of them his "best" friend). He developed a bit of hero worship toward one of the teenagers. Of course, that teenager was the "class clown" (so to speak), which is exactly Landon's personality, so there's no question why Landon admired him so much.
After VBS was over, I decided to take the kids back to Arkansas. There was nothing for us to do at home and it was nice to see my family and be able to use the pool. Even better, Mom made me an appointment to have a 4D ultrasound done at the OB clinic for the hospital she works for. I didn't have a 4D ultrasound with Landon, but I did have one with Kelsey, and was happy to have one with Baby H, too. It was the only ultrasound Mom has been able to be present for, of all of my pregnancies. She was incredibly excited and the ultrasound was awesome. Baby H did spend the first half with foot in front of face, but we managed to get some face shots before my baby decided to turn to face the placenta and ignore us.
 |
| Look at those toes! |
 |
| Cute little nose in profile. |
 |
| Right before Baby H decided to be done with us. |
Back at home, I had my 32 week prenatal at the birth center. It was a nice appointment... they were running behind so it was a little late, but Kelly, the midwife I saw this time, spent a lot of time with me talking over some of my concerns and questions. I've seen Kelly previously but after yesterday, I think I would prefer her to be on call when I go into labor. All of the midwives are awesome, but I just felt like I connected with her a bit more.
She reassured me that even if I am GBS+ again, I will still be able to have a water birth. I was with both kids and also tested positive during my miscarriage last year... although I am taking probiotics to try to prevent it, I am assuming I will test positive again. The water birth class had led me to believe I would not be able to birth in the water as a GBS carrier, but apparently it is only other infections that would keep me out of the water. Kelly also said my hemoglobin is within normal limits, but on the low side of normal, so she advised me to increase my iron intake and assured me it would make me feel a lot better than I have been. I also had not realized that two of her own births were VBACs - she was thrilled that I've already had one, and I felt like we had something in common considering this will be my second VBAC.
We talked a good deal about what to do if I were to have the baby in the car while driving to the birth center - it is a big worry for me. Kelsey's labor was fast, but plenty long enough that I should have no problem getting to the birth center if this time follows the same pattern. However, she was nearly born in the car due to circumstances, such as denial that I was as far along as I was, wanting to avoid getting to the hospital too soon, getting in touch with Amber to stay with Landon, getting my doula on base, etc. This time, there are plenty of opportunities for happenstance to strike again... I've lived them all out in my head. :) Justin could be at work when I go into labor, and getting him home could be time consuming since he works in a secured area. I really have no one else to drive me until Justin gets home, and we only have our babysitter to take the kids. It takes time to drop them off and get them settled, not to mention figuring out what to do if Landon is in school when labor starts, or if we can't reach our babysitter. Thankfully, my midwives have told me that if I have to, I am perfectly welcome to bring the kids with us. Siblings are allowed to attend births there anyway, but technically we are supposed to bring someone else with us to be in charge of them while Justin attends to me. However, they would rather us bring the kids alone if we have to, rather than not make it in time.
Anyway, it was nice to be able to discuss those fears openly. Kelly talked to me about the possibility of birthing in the car, and how if baby is coming that fast, most likely everything is okay, without complications. It was a reassuring appointment. From now on, I'll be seen every two weeks. It seems crazy that it is already that time, but I have a friend whose baby was born at 32 weeks, and Justin himself was. Kelly said that at this point, baby is almost as long as he or she will be at birth, and will only need to plump up in the next few weeks.
At this point I need to start thinking about packing a bag. If I go into labor before 37 weeks, I will go to a hospital instead of the birth center. I doubt that will happen, but I would prefer to be ready just in case. I am mainly planning on bringing clothes for myself during and after labor, clothes for Justin in case he's in uniform when we go in, clothes for the baby (I haven't decided if I am bringing one outfit for each gender or just something unisex), baby book, and maybe my camera. I do have a birth photographer coming, but it may possibly be nice to have my own camera for after she leaves.
I guess it is sinking in - we are getting closer now! I am dying to know the gender of our baby, but I don't want to rush anything because this is likely my last pregnancy, and I don't want to take a minute of it for granted!
Friday, April 5, 2013
Return From Hiatus
I haven't updated here in way too long. It's hard sometimes to put
words down, even though it is what I really need to do. We've had a lot
going on in our lives and life is a bit chaotic right now.
In January, we PCS'd from Andrews AFB, Maryland to Whiteman AFB, Missouri. It's a big change. As much as the DC area was sometimes frustrating, you get used to a certain pace of life, with so many things to do and see. Missouri, by comparison, is very empty. I think moving has sent me into a bit of a depression... I had been looking forward to the change of scenery, but instead I miss my friends and I'm having a hard time making new ones. The kids don't have their friends to play with and we drive each other nuts sometimes. We are adjusting. I'm learning to take the kids to story/craft time at the library, and have joined a playgroup so we can make new friends. I hope we will settle in here very soon.
Landon will start kindergarten in the fall. I was heavily leaning toward homeschooling him, and we still might in the future, but at this time in our life, I really need to send him. I think he needs it, because we aren't making many friends on our own, and I think I need the break, too. It's hard to admit that, but maybe it will be for the best for us. There's nothing to say that I can't choose to homeschool later if we decide it is for the best.
Another big change for us is that I am pregnant again. It's difficult, after the miscarriage last July... I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and for something to go wrong again. However, I am 17 weeks today, and I think that's a good sign.
We are opting not to find out the gender this time... though I am struggling a bit with that decision. One would think we'd have everything we need for this baby, but we don't. We didn't have the storage space to keep everything, so we need clothing, a high chair, and a few other things. I always liked knowing the gender because it was easier to plan, but I know we can make it work. We have Landon's crib to use... he was using it converted to a full size bed, but due to lack of space we bought him a loft bed from IKEA last year. If the baby shares a room with Kelsey, we were thinking we could paint the crib to match Kelsey's furniture and have it set up (even though baby will likely be sleeping with me at first). Add some gender neutral clothes, and we would be set until after baby comes and we find out the gender. At that time we could pick up more clothes and do any decorating changes to the room.
My main worry with not finding out the gender is bonding. With Landon and Kelsey, we picked their names almost as soon as we found out their gender, and that made it - THEM - more real to me. A person with a name and an identity. However, this birth will be very different than anything we've experienced in the past (I will elaborate in another post), and I keep seeing that moment where Justin and I meet our little one for the first time and discover together, without anyone telling us, whether we have another son or another daughter... I want that moment. It will be super difficult to not find out at my ultrasound, but I think it will be worth it to wait. I think most of my questioning is because I am now at the point in gestation where gender can be determined, and that's messing with my head a little. After the ultrasound is done, it won't be an option anymore, and I think it will be easier to wait out the rest of the pregnancy.
I think I will be posting more on this blog in the upcoming months. At least, I will try. I need to be able to talk things out, but it's hard to really talk to people about the in-depth thoughts I have rolling around in my head sometimes. I have a few people who will listen, but they don't always know what to say. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just be able to type it all out and get it on paper, and not expect anything of an answer back. I think I can do that here.
In January, we PCS'd from Andrews AFB, Maryland to Whiteman AFB, Missouri. It's a big change. As much as the DC area was sometimes frustrating, you get used to a certain pace of life, with so many things to do and see. Missouri, by comparison, is very empty. I think moving has sent me into a bit of a depression... I had been looking forward to the change of scenery, but instead I miss my friends and I'm having a hard time making new ones. The kids don't have their friends to play with and we drive each other nuts sometimes. We are adjusting. I'm learning to take the kids to story/craft time at the library, and have joined a playgroup so we can make new friends. I hope we will settle in here very soon.
Landon will start kindergarten in the fall. I was heavily leaning toward homeschooling him, and we still might in the future, but at this time in our life, I really need to send him. I think he needs it, because we aren't making many friends on our own, and I think I need the break, too. It's hard to admit that, but maybe it will be for the best for us. There's nothing to say that I can't choose to homeschool later if we decide it is for the best.
Another big change for us is that I am pregnant again. It's difficult, after the miscarriage last July... I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and for something to go wrong again. However, I am 17 weeks today, and I think that's a good sign.
We are opting not to find out the gender this time... though I am struggling a bit with that decision. One would think we'd have everything we need for this baby, but we don't. We didn't have the storage space to keep everything, so we need clothing, a high chair, and a few other things. I always liked knowing the gender because it was easier to plan, but I know we can make it work. We have Landon's crib to use... he was using it converted to a full size bed, but due to lack of space we bought him a loft bed from IKEA last year. If the baby shares a room with Kelsey, we were thinking we could paint the crib to match Kelsey's furniture and have it set up (even though baby will likely be sleeping with me at first). Add some gender neutral clothes, and we would be set until after baby comes and we find out the gender. At that time we could pick up more clothes and do any decorating changes to the room.
My main worry with not finding out the gender is bonding. With Landon and Kelsey, we picked their names almost as soon as we found out their gender, and that made it - THEM - more real to me. A person with a name and an identity. However, this birth will be very different than anything we've experienced in the past (I will elaborate in another post), and I keep seeing that moment where Justin and I meet our little one for the first time and discover together, without anyone telling us, whether we have another son or another daughter... I want that moment. It will be super difficult to not find out at my ultrasound, but I think it will be worth it to wait. I think most of my questioning is because I am now at the point in gestation where gender can be determined, and that's messing with my head a little. After the ultrasound is done, it won't be an option anymore, and I think it will be easier to wait out the rest of the pregnancy.
I think I will be posting more on this blog in the upcoming months. At least, I will try. I need to be able to talk things out, but it's hard to really talk to people about the in-depth thoughts I have rolling around in my head sometimes. I have a few people who will listen, but they don't always know what to say. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just be able to type it all out and get it on paper, and not expect anything of an answer back. I think I can do that here.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Nutter Mutters - 4/28/12
I told Landon that he really needed to eat some of everything on his plate. He asked why and I told him that his body needs lots of different kinds of foods to be healthy, so he needs to try lots of foods - even if he doesn't think he'll like something, he might.
A little while later, I was stirring up some chip dip and Landon said, "I want some of that!!!"
I asked, "How do you know you want some of it when you don't know what it is?"
He thought for a little while and answered, "I want to try lots of different things so I can be healthy..."
Kelsey was stuffing piece of hot dog in her mouth. I asked her to use her fork and not her hands. After awhile, I was eating my hot dog - in a bun, with my hands. She handed me her fork and said, "Use fork, Mommy!"
A little while later, I was stirring up some chip dip and Landon said, "I want some of that!!!"
I asked, "How do you know you want some of it when you don't know what it is?"
He thought for a little while and answered, "I want to try lots of different things so I can be healthy..."
Kelsey was stuffing piece of hot dog in her mouth. I asked her to use her fork and not her hands. After awhile, I was eating my hot dog - in a bun, with my hands. She handed me her fork and said, "Use fork, Mommy!"
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Nutter Mutters - 3/31/2012
Last night I wasn't home when the kids went to bed. This morning Justin got up with them... while still in bed, I overheard Kelsey ask: "Mommy? Home now?"
Landon's new name for store-bought baby food: "Baby Sauce"
Landon and I went to the movies today... it was his first time seeing a movie at the theater. Before the show, we had Subway. At one point, Landon told me he didn't want anymore food. I grinned and said, "What!? Not even popcorn?" He quickly replied, "OOOH, I want popcorn. Sure I do, sure I do!"
At bedtime tonight, Kelsey was reading a picture book to me. I pointed to the bluebird and asked her what it is. Landon offered a helpful hint by flapping his "wings" and saying, "Kelsey, look at me... it starts with, 'flying'!"
Landon's new name for store-bought baby food: "Baby Sauce"
Landon and I went to the movies today... it was his first time seeing a movie at the theater. Before the show, we had Subway. At one point, Landon told me he didn't want anymore food. I grinned and said, "What!? Not even popcorn?" He quickly replied, "OOOH, I want popcorn. Sure I do, sure I do!"
At bedtime tonight, Kelsey was reading a picture book to me. I pointed to the bluebird and asked her what it is. Landon offered a helpful hint by flapping his "wings" and saying, "Kelsey, look at me... it starts with, 'flying'!"
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Nutter Mutters - 1/28/2012
I had muffins baking today so the outside of the oven was a little warm. Kelsey went in the kitchen and she must have been touching it and felt that it was warm. She came to me, holding her hand out to me and fake-crying. She kept whimpering, "Don't touch! Don't touch! Hot!"
Friday, December 30, 2011
365 Photo Project: Day 364
Last photo project photo of my little lady, after Nana gave her a bath because she painted herself with her oatmeal during breakfast. :)
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
365 Photo Project: Day 361
Aunt Rhonda, Al, and Brandon brought Kelsey a new Elmo jacket! :) She LOVES it.
365 Photo Project: Day 359
Landon and Kelsey in front of their gifts from Santa on Christmas morning.
Friday, December 9, 2011
365 Photo Project: Day 341
Kelsey being goofy and charging at me while I was trying to take her picture.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
365 Photo Project: Day 331
Not going to lie... I totally, completely, 100% forgot about doing a photo on that day. Luckily, I'd taken a few iPhone photos while we were at the park!
The kids and I took a picnic lunch up to the park. Landon is a little monkey these days (which translates into scaring his mama!). Kelsey is a copycat - she has to do whatever her big brother is doing.
The kids and I took a picnic lunch up to the park. Landon is a little monkey these days (which translates into scaring his mama!). Kelsey is a copycat - she has to do whatever her big brother is doing.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
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