I haven't updated here in way too long. It's hard sometimes to put
words down, even though it is what I really need to do. We've had a lot
going on in our lives and life is a bit chaotic right now.
In
January, we PCS'd from Andrews AFB, Maryland to Whiteman AFB,
Missouri. It's a big change. As much as the DC area was sometimes
frustrating, you get used to a certain pace of life, with so many things
to do and see. Missouri, by comparison, is very empty. I think moving
has sent me into a bit of a depression... I had been looking forward to
the change of scenery, but instead I miss my friends and I'm having a
hard time making new ones. The kids don't have their friends to play
with and we drive each other nuts sometimes. We are adjusting. I'm
learning to take the kids to story/craft time at the library, and have
joined a playgroup so we can make new friends. I hope we will settle in
here very soon.
Landon will start kindergarten in the
fall. I was heavily leaning toward homeschooling him, and we still
might in the future, but at this time in our life, I really need to send
him. I think he needs it, because we aren't making many friends on our
own, and I think I need the break, too. It's hard to admit that, but
maybe it will be for the best for us. There's nothing to say that I
can't choose to homeschool later if we decide it is for the best.
Another
big change for us is that I am pregnant again. It's difficult, after
the miscarriage last July... I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop
and for something to go wrong again. However, I am 17 weeks today, and I
think that's a good sign.
We are opting not to find out the
gender this time... though I am struggling a bit with that decision.
One would think we'd have everything we need for this baby, but we
don't. We didn't have the storage space to keep everything, so we need
clothing, a high chair, and a few other things. I always liked knowing
the gender because it was easier to plan, but I know we can make it
work. We have Landon's crib to use... he was using it converted to a
full size bed, but due to lack of space we bought him a loft bed from
IKEA last year. If the baby shares a room with Kelsey, we were thinking
we could paint the crib to match Kelsey's furniture and have it set up
(even though baby will likely be sleeping with me at first). Add some
gender neutral clothes, and we would be set until after baby comes and
we find out the gender. At that time we could pick up more clothes and
do any decorating changes to the room.
My main worry
with not finding out the gender is bonding. With Landon and Kelsey, we
picked their names almost as soon as we found out their gender, and that
made it - THEM - more real to me. A person with a name and an
identity. However, this birth will be very different than anything
we've experienced in the past (I will elaborate in another post), and I
keep seeing that moment where Justin and I meet our little one for the
first time and discover together, without anyone telling us, whether we
have another son or another daughter... I want that moment. It will be
super difficult to not find out at my ultrasound, but I think it will be
worth it to wait. I think most of my questioning is because I am now
at the point in gestation where gender can be determined, and that's
messing with my head a little. After the ultrasound is done, it won't
be an option anymore, and I think it will be easier to wait out the rest
of the pregnancy.
I think I will be posting more on
this blog in the upcoming months. At least, I will try. I need to be
able to talk things out, but it's hard to really talk to people about
the in-depth thoughts I have rolling around in my head sometimes. I
have a few people who will listen, but they don't always know what
to say. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just be able to type it
all out and get it on paper, and not expect anything of an answer
back. I think I can do that here.
Great update. I know Missouri will grow on you. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI am glad you are 'back' Amanda.
ReplyDeleteI want to emphasize to you that wanting Landon at school and wanting some space is OK! you love your children but that doesn't mean you don't get on each other's nerves and you need to be ok with that. Nobody likes each other every minute of every day. Did you get the link I tried to send you on that very topic?
Give yourself some time to settle in to the new community, but don't feel bad if you feel the need to vent a little, ok?
Hugs
J
Big changes! I bet the kids are thrilled to have another sibling! Can't wait to find out if it's a boy or girl (even if it means waiting the full 40 weeks!).
ReplyDelete